you cant be that far away from me ; if we're looking on the same side of the moon

Friday, March 02, 2007

Recently i went back to irc to take a look. After 2 to 3 days spending 3hrs on irc, i really wanna conclude that theres something wrong with Singaporeans' minds. Men looking for sex sales, slaves, pets and lots of other weird things there. I remember theres this guy who even requested to be my personal slave where I can kick him on his face, command him to lick my heels and toes, leash him and beg mercy of me just for my pleasure. It seems that used thongs selling, fetish stocking perverts and blood seems nothing at all. Not that I'm totally against it cause i do find it arousing when i see a man at my feet Its just that i feel that humans' humility is nearing its own extinction. Will the world just end up like whats going on in history? Is the difference of whats going on now and history just merely humans now being willing to be the slave of others? I feel dominance is needed and there would be a nessesity to rule over men for survival and pride. But not up to the extend of disrespecting the opposite sex as another animal. I do have to say, during many occasions and events in my life, disappointments had lead me to distrust men up to the extend of thinking their words are just toxic pollutant to one's mind. But i still hold firm as to human slavery is just madness. Somehow, my views towards mankind have once again pushed itself to its negative side. One said that humans are made of emotions, self conciseness, pride and faith. Are we degenerating so much that we're losing our stand as humans? I do not know as me myself feels that I've degenerated up to the extend of losing my own conscience.

& 10:51 PM

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Hmm... it seems to be like i see... 2 months ago since i last blogged? A lot of things happened during this 2 months actually. I've threw one of the best parties that I think I'd ever have in my life during this 2 months. One is on X'mas and one is on 2007 countdown. During 2006, I've met a lot of people, some stayed and some left, some became the best buddies that I'll never forget and some just taught me that in life there's just some that are so full of themselves. 2006 was a sucky yet fruitful year cause of the people i was able to meet and those who really stayed on. I did doubt that my band would work out due to various reasons and excuses. But at the end of the day, they're the best thing that every happened to me in my life and I'll never leave them until the day that they leave me. I believe that one day when we're all old, we may just end up exactly like the mtv of kurumi. LOL! But one thing that brings everything down is that a lot of things happened and I wasn't able to manage myself. In the end I've became a gutless, low self esteem, misguided in faith, cowardice towards beliefs, ignorant against taboos and confused little girl who thinks time is running out on her. But i really do hope that in time, I'll change into a better person. I just self pity isn't something anyone should do but it is definitely something everyone fell into. I do not deny that me myself self pity practically everything when I end up quarreling and arguing with my mom about for failure on teaching her kids and mt failure on managing the family. I do hope things can change though. Like that the book Levan gave me said, " To change, you have to change yourself first. And to change yourself fully, you have to be willing to do so." Everybody needs time to change for the better but are you willing to change for the better or do you think you're not anywhere near fault? I feel bad and dislike myself for not having the grace of God to forgive and forget but i cannot deny that i don't wanna try forgiving anyone. I do admit that I'm lingering in my own pain. I'm sorry but I'm human. I cant just forgive someone by just hearing a simple apology from that person.its either you prove to me that you're worth my time or you'll just have to wait until the fear and hatred within me dissolves like cigarette smoke on air. My heart is not as broad as the coastline and not as strong as the tidal waves. Please consider that I'm flesh and blood just like everyone else. I cannot deny that i missed you.But i just cannot accept another woman who took me for granted because of my strong appearance and most importantly, because of another guy who's priority isn't even anywhere her. I'm sorry i cant force myself to smile at someone that i don't wish to see. I'm not like you.

& 2:22 AM

Monday, December 11, 2006

Ok Everyone, This is a love hate post that i'm gonna type right now. Read it if you want but don't bother asking me what happen cause i've stated everything i have to say in here and i'm lazy to repeat it. Ok heres the love part. My brother's band seraph hd this gig at MOS flow and as usual i'm incharge of the make up etc etc. It was really cool cause dennis, jeff, jiro and i stayed over at rachel's house. We were like dying our hair in yes the colors that we're having now. And watching initial D YES GUYS I HAVE NEVER WATCHED INITIAL D B4!! *big deal* hoho~ My brothers were hilarous that night man. We wanted to get some sleep at ard 3am + 4am but we had a litte bitching session before we did. Was sharing rachel's bed with my bro cause she went to her brother's room to sleep you see. At first i think its pretty weird though, i mean ok i'm a pretty open to alot of topics but i still feel weird being too physical with someone even if i know the person very well you see. But it all cooled down when both of us really fell asleep. Actually, its pretty cosy having someone to sleep beside you. When we woke up we're like rushing everything man, we rushed our macs breakfast etc etc. I did this very cool makeup that day that i love alot. hoho~ We thought we were very late so we took a cab down to MOS instead.. >.< I'm broke that night cause of it. T.T

Took this photo in MOS's toilet. The toilet there's HUGE man.. but wait until the crowd really comes in.. After that you'll feel its not big enough.. -.-

Rachel and i in the cab. Don't we 2 just look so immortal.. =)

And me outside rachel's house.. Ok i have no idea why the uploading of pictures in in the other way but oh well you still get to see the photos anyway..

Anyway, when we got there, the whole set was dragged for 3 fucking hours before the soundcheck can really start. Boring boring boring..... We went to meet up with jia ying and her mom and had dinner at liang court. And FINALLY! everything started.
Ok obviously we're the crowd that dresses ALO and when i say alot means really ALOT different from the crowd that day. Well judging by my photos above, you can tell right? If not you don't know me so you can just get out of my blog. But then again, even a mentally disabled person can tell so doesnt really matter. Anyway, Seraph didnt do well that nbight. Think its pretty much because they're too nervous and such. Judging by the amount of people in MOS that night. But no matter, i got sabotaged on stage and i meant what i said, I'm just tghere to do my job and have some fun. =) West grand boulevard was great that night man.. Moshijng is good for you.. I have to admit that that night i was one of the moshers.. LOL! but i ran away when the bguards were there.. =P ya i did shout i love daphne and such, but i'm pretty glad she's leaving ahz cos i think bryan suits west grand more than her. Flights of fancy is still the best man. Tien was great too... Concept Scream shocked me man! Their songs are real good. The vox ended their set well. I'm sorry but i don't really enjoyed plain sunset cause i think their music is rather plain. i missed saw losers cause it seems to me that having my cig was more important at that moment. LOL!

OK! hey comes the hate part of that night. Divine 9! Yes i loved their set that night alot and i think their music was superb. But i here by declare one thing. BANDS OUT THERE! I may not be anything in your eyes but the fact is you're nothing to me either. I can headbang n mosh and scream how much i love you during gigs BUT when everything ends i'm still just another person on the street who appreciates music and wants nothing more than music. i don't give a shit about your fame and how "forturnate" i am to be able to talk to you and get close to you. I approached you meerly to tell you how much i enjoyed the set and hope you guys will keep up the good work. Not because i wanna stuck up on you and let people think that i'm always close with all the famous bands. Yes i have to agree that because of my outwardness towards the bands that i have befriend with a few of them. but even if i wasn't given a chance to talk to them. I really don't give a shit. I have a band myself and i'm working hard for my band so that we can bring people good music too. i'm not as retarded as those fangirls out there. Please do not put me as the same ranking as them. and if you really wanna argue with me about this case, ok i DID stuck up on 1 rocker and that is Levan. not because he's sexy and stuff but its because he impacted my life with his songs abnd that single hug he gave me when i 1st approached him to tell him how much i enjoyed the set. He made me feel like i'm not being myself and he made me feel like i should really change. He inspired me to inspire people and bring good music to life. He's the ONLY one in my life that i did really want to be good friends with after a gig. Other then that... I doubt so.. Romey's someone who's in my friend's band so its different. Cause he's a friend already i don't have to go know him we'll naturally know each other. So ya... so talking to you, telling you how much i love your set, listening to you saying alot of very glorious visions and helping you carry your stuff doesnt mean i'm i'm stucking up on you. I'm just doing what a normal person would do. it doesnt nessery to be your band cause i help all the bands i know to carry their stuff if they need any help. Sorry amelia, i have to say, i'm still very very very pissed about what happened that day. IF you were to be smart and cautious enough to know that a bunch of caucasian guys in a hotel room with 2 rather sexy ladies, something's gonna happen, i wouldn't be so pissed in the first place. You're really acting like another pamela. you know why? cause you're dragging me down into your love life. HEY! I've NEVER ONCE! in my life dragged ANYONE other than myself into my messed up relationship life. In fact all my friends know is only .. " Oh Aries attached now.. huh?! broke up already? why so sudden? 2mths ago you just told me you 2 were together." so why the fuck you drag me down into yours? You wanna know when you did it? oh here it goes. the very FIRST incident, Kazu, the relationship you guys have has NOTHING to do with me. But you guys just HAVE to drag everyone down with your quarrels, arguements and disagreements. Don't say its only kazu. cos you're at fault aso. cause you're the one who's not decisive enough to make choices. Don't tell me about settling. Things are not as hard as it seems. God wouldn't give you things you cant settle. Its just that you're just running away and you don't know it. do some soul searching before to tell me about what ever you think cause what ever you say now may makes sense but in time to come it doesnt anymore. Don't ask me what can you do about it if i'm so smart because i don't know how. for me i wouldn't start a relationship if i know its not going to work out in the 1st place. doesnt that saved you alot of trouble? and kinda think of it, WHAT EVER you once told me, about having this cosplay team, about being goth chicks, but renting a room, about organising gigs about ALOT of things.. are just all talk no action. Cosplay team, you know i have done more work on the team when i'm with ashley and kei than i'm with you? yes u have all the information but they're the ones doing the work. We all crashed at kei's place just to see details of the charters n such. Then you'll ask why we didnt ask you over. Cause you always have these bunch of crazy reasons backing you up, "i'm working." , "don't want la i think this this this that that that way is much better." , " no la blah blah blah blah.." you have 15 off days per mth, this is what you called busy with work? i only only 8 off days per mth n i do do alot more things then you. what does this show? Don't tell me about you being the "more leader" role in the team cause its ashley who's the one who's doing all the work. you ONLY did the purchasing of the book and asking us out for meeting right? When did these meetings ever successful i ask you? i Seriously think its because of my trust to you that things ended up this way.But anyway, back to the point, you simply dragged everyone down. Friends are always there for each other, but not up the the extend that we want them to be in trouble along with us lei. Its more of I'm in trouble and they're helping me to recover from the pain. Not join in my pain. Don't tell me that i'm telling you all the things that you already know cause you're not acting like you know it. Then the next one. MARK! fucking hell you're the one who likes him, don't keep asking me to help you out.. You know by doing this it makes me look like some uber KPO?! what kawai said was right man.. My intentions are good but it always seems like i'm diggijng into other people's busniess.. I want to tell you this. You have no right over anyone over your life, Not me, not jiro, not queen, not purple not ka cha... in fact NO ONE! don't tell me.. " but i'm your mother!, But i'm his sister! " Sorry u're important but not that important. even our own blood parents we aso dun bother le why you? really tell me.. why you? Tell us things that makes sense, don't tell us things that makes u sound like you make sense. if u really wanna say right. MOTHER WOULDN'T EVEN LET HER DAUGHTER TAG ALONG TO A GUY'S HOTEL ROOM! not to mention a bunch of them. I know i'm too old to be a virgin but i'm proud about it. i'm just another normal girl qwho wants to loss it to someone who i thought i'm madly in love with etc etc.. not through a one night stand and this message goes to mark as well. don't tell me that you saved me in the end cause you're the one who dragged me into this shit. you KNEW that i didnt slept for 2 days, you knew that i wasnt comfortable, you knew.... but you still allow it to happen.. don't tell me its my own fault that i wanted to rest cos if you know you have to force yourself to be awake why go in the 1st place? OH! cause of mark right? which part of my face tells u i'm interested in mark aso? its only you right? THEN DON'T FUCKING DRAG ME DOWN! You know what pamela would do? she'd say she don't wanna go in the 1st place. or she'll drag me to go but once she knows i'm uncomfortable she'll say we'd leave. After this incident i really think you're worse than her. Don't say that i compare you to her and its unfair to you or you're not her etc etc... cos this only shows one thing. you're a lousier friend. you're not her cause she's better. I didn't wanna entertain more of your lies and things that you assured that wld never happen. i'm pisseed and i'm disappointed. i wanted to pretend that all these thihngs never happened.. but i couldn't. nope not at all. cause i can no longer tolerate your bimboism. What is a bimbo? A bimso is a girl who always things who's right, thinks everyone else she not as strong and cool and clever as her, thinking everyone don't understand her yet expects them to do so *i'm sorry i have my own problems too i don't understand your foolish obsession with things that you obviously know yet act like you dunno*,making ridiculous assummsions and pushing all the blame to other people. Don't tell me that those girls on TV and those fangirls ard you are bimbos cos you act EXACTLY like them. Don't tell me you don't need a guy cause you really do. you make stupid mistakes when you don't have a guy beside you. Everyone needs to be loved , don't act like you don't need it. that means 1 thing, you're not being yourself and you're lieing to yourself. logics and storys are easily said than done. You can sound as mature as you want but if you're thinking is still like that.. forget about being mature you're never there. As i always say. i'm only 16, if i can say that, why cant you? I do agree that i've been a very irresponsible, low self esteem, indecisive little brat. but now things are going to change. Don't tell me without you i wouldn't be me today. Don't tell me you'd be more accomplished than me. Don't tell me that you're the one who brought me all what i have now. Cause i can tell you. you're not. I agree that i do have my own charm. And you agreed with it too. i have ways to achieve my goal. in a clean manner. i don't go around flirting and such just to get things i want. Cause until now i TRUELY belive in friendship. thats about it. go think about what you have been doing recently and really considfer what you wanna do in the future. Stop wasting your time on unnessesary things. and stop running away..

& 11:36 AM

Hoho.. This is 1 thing i HAVE to put up on my blog. Ever seen bleach characters playing time crisis 4? There you go~

& 11:32 AM

Monday, November 27, 2006

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

& 1:49 PM

Ok.. i'm dedicating this post to my Dear beloved GGF and Seraph. Seraph consist of Dennis *vox*, Jiro *lead guitar* , Jeffrey *rythme guitar*, Jieguang *bass guitar*, Rachel * keyboard* and louis *drums*. Then GGF aka gay gigalo friends *ya i know.. LOL!* consist of Seraph excludding louis, nafi, jere, ju boon, ah wei, kuek, me, jia ying, cheng cheng and ellis. LOL! Hmmm.. It all started at koyuki's gig actually. Yes everyone now knows i condemned him but well I woudln't have met GGF if it wasn't for that gig so his name HAD to be in here. Credits removed from him because i was the one who approached Dennis though. LOL! Anyway, I knew Dennis's existance eveer since Cosfest. At first i thought he was a girl man, turns out that he's a guy! >.< and i didnt know it until the gig. -.- We had to choose the best dressed person of the night out so i decided to sabo him and pulled him out. I thought he was a girl and thought its pretty cool to joke around with "her". But it turns out that when the mic was passeed to him, he said.. " Ehh.. My name is Dennis." Everyone was stunned man. I don't deny that i'm stunned myself though. LOL! Dennis and I clicked quite well because of our love of headbanging~! =X That night I took his msn from koyuki cause i think it'll be damn cool if both of us can go to gigs can headbang like mad. LOL! Then I got to know the rest of Seraph on another koyuki's gig. Actually, i knew jiro ever since last year's October but we wouldn't very close. It seems that fate has its own way of handling stuff. LOL! It was really cool though. I got to know GGF that night too! And the very next day, its like, I've become their band's personal makeup artist overnight. The next day was their big gig outside ACM aka Asian Civiliasian Musuem so all of us went to jiro's Telok Banga house to prepare. Actually, I cannot cover this up anymore but that was the very first time i did stage makeup, didn't know that it'll turn out so good. LOL! Cause in the house, the makeup seems very dramatic, but on stage, it was perfect. I felt really rpoud of them that day man. Then after that we went to gashaus to celebrate jiro's birthday. I tell you Mark wanted to make jiro drunk but in the end the one who's down is Dennis. So as GGF~, we're brother enough to all go to jiro's house to ton and to take care of Dennis. hohoho~ The feeling was rerally nice, everyone's a part of the family man! So cool~ Ok ahz the fact that rachel and i have to see them being in their shorts n boxers walking ard is quite funny overall its really nice ahz.. LOL! Not that i really mind about it but just find it funny when i come to think of it. I still remember JG told me, " Aries.. You've seen the ugliest side of Seraph now. Guess you're the only one who've ever gonna see his." LOL! I think alright la~ More of the most natural and adorable side than ugly to me. LOL! Everyones cool man i tell you. Currently almost all of them have their own status in my listing.. LOL! Lets see.. Dennis, Jiro and Jeffrey are my Didis, Jieguang's my korkor *ok he wants to be my jiejie but i already have 2 jies and i really don't wanna have anymore jies so i'll treat him like the prettiest kor i ever known n and. =)*, Rachel is my chiobu, Nafi's my mommy, Ju boon's my lesbian, jere is the one who stole my lesbian away, locke is the one who stole jere away from my lesbian, kuek is duck, ahwei is the guy who the duck is madly in love with *LOL*, jiaying is my kor's lao po *but to think of calling her da sao seems so weird cos she's my didi's younger cousin so ya.. LOL!* , Cheng cheng and ellis are .. i dunno lei.... not really close with the... LOL! Now finally! Here are some of the pictures i've taken with them from then till now.. =)