In a little girl's mind

2007-03-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

Recently i went back to irc to take a look. After 2 to 3 days spending 3hrs on irc, i really wanna conclude that theres something wrong with Singaporeans' minds. Men looking for sex sales, slaves, pets and lots of other weird things there. I remember theres this guy who even requested to be my personal slave where I can kick him on his face, command him to lick my heels and toes, leash him and beg mercy of me just for my pleasure. It seems that used thongs selling, fetish stocking perverts and blood seems nothing at all. Not that I'm totally against it cause i do find it arousing when i see a man at my feet Its just that i feel that humans' humility is nearing its own extinction. Will the world just end up like whats going on in history? Is the difference of whats going on now and history just merely humans now being willing to be the slave of others? I feel dominance is needed and there would be a nessesity to rule over men for survival and pride. But not up to the extend of disrespecting the opposite sex as another animal. I do have to say, during many occasions and events in my life, disappointments had lead me to distrust men up to the extend of thinking their words are just toxic pollutant to one's mind. But i still hold firm as to human slavery is just madness. Somehow, my views towards mankind have once again pushed itself to its negative side. One said that humans are made of emotions, self conciseness, pride and faith. Are we degenerating so much that we're losing our stand as humans? I do not know as me myself feels that I've degenerated up to the extend of losing my own conscience.

2007-02-13T02:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm... it seems to be like i see... 2 months ago since i last blogged? A lot of things happened during this 2 months actually. I've threw one of the best parties that I think I'd ever have in my life during this 2 months. One is on X'mas and one is on 2007 countdown. During 2006, I've met a lot of people, some stayed and some left, some became the best buddies that I'll never forget and some just taught me that in life there's just some that are so full of themselves. 2006 was a sucky yet fruitful year cause of the people i was able to meet and those who really stayed on. I did doubt that my band would work out due to various reasons and excuses. But at the end of the day, they're the best thing that every happened to me in my life and I'll never leave them until the day that they leave me. I believe that one day when we're all old, we may just end up exactly like the mtv of kurumi. LOL! But one thing that brings everything down is that a lot of things happened and I wasn't able to manage myself. In the end I've became a gutless, low self esteem, misguided in faith, cowardice towards beliefs, ignorant against taboos and confused little girl who thinks time is running out on her. But i really do hope that in time, I'll change into a better person. I just self pity isn't something anyone should do but it is definitely something everyone fell into. I do not deny that me myself self pity practically everything when I end up quarreling and arguing with my mom about for failure on teaching her kids and mt failure on managing the family. I do hope things can change though. Like that the book Levan gave me said, " To change, you have to change yourself first. And to change yourself fully, you have to be willing to do so." Everybody needs time to change for the better but are you willing to change for the better or do you think you're not anywhere near fault? I feel bad and dislike myself for not having the grace of God to forgive and forget but i cannot deny that i don't wanna try forgiving anyone. I do admit that I'm lingering in my own pain. I'm sorry but I'm human. I cant just forgive someone by just hearing a simple apology from that person.its either you prove to me that you're worth my time or you'll just have to wait until the fear and hatred within me dissolves like cigarette smoke on air. My heart is not as broad as the coastline and not as strong as the tidal waves. Please consider that I'm flesh and blood just like everyone else. I cannot deny that i missed you.But i just cannot accept another woman who took me for granted because of my strong appearance and most importantly, because of another guy who's priority isn't even anywhere her. I'm sorry i cant force myself to smile at someone that i don't wish to see. I'm not like you.

2006-12-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

Ok Everyone, This is a love hate post that i'm gonna type right now. Read it if you want but don't bother asking me what happen cause i've stated everything i have to say in here and i'm lazy to repeat it. Ok heres the love part. My brother's band seraph hd this gig at MOS flow and as usual i'm incharge of the make up etc etc. It was really cool cause dennis, jeff, jiro and i stayed over at rachel's house. We were like dying our hair in yes the colors that we're having now. And watching initial D YES GUYS I HAVE NEVER WATCHED INITIAL D B4!! *big deal* hoho~ My brothers were hilarous that night man. We wanted to get some sleep at ard 3am + 4am but we had a litte bitching session before we did. Was sharing rachel's bed with my bro cause she went to her brother's room to sleep you see. At first i think its pretty weird though, i mean ok i'm a pretty open to alot of topics but i still feel weird being too physical with someone even if i know the person very well you see. But it all cooled down when both of us really fell asleep. Actually, its pretty cosy having someone to sleep beside you. When we woke up we're like rushing everything man, we rushed our macs breakfast etc etc. I did this very cool makeup that day that i love alot. hoho~ We thought we were very late so we took a cab down to MOS instead.. >.< I'm broke that night cause of it. T.T

Took this photo in MOS's toilet. The toilet there's HUGE man.. but wait until the crowd really comes in.. After that you'll feel its not big enough.. -.-

Rachel and i in the cab. Don't we 2 just look so immortal.. =)

And me outside rachel's house.. Ok i have no idea why the uploading of pictures in in the other way but oh well you still get to see the photos anyway..

Anyway, when we got there, the whole set was dragged for 3 fucking hours before the soundcheck can really start. Boring boring boring..... We went to meet up with jia ying and her mom and had dinner at liang court. And FINALLY! everything started.
Ok obviously we're the crowd that dresses ALO and when i say alot means really ALOT different from the crowd that day. Well judging by my photos above, you can tell right? If not you don't know me so you can just get out of my blog. But then again, even a mentally disabled person can tell so doesnt really matter. Anyway, Seraph didnt do well that nbight. Think its pretty much because they're too nervous and such. Judging by the amount of people in MOS that night. But no matter, i got sabotaged on stage and i meant what i said, I'm just tghere to do my job and have some fun. =) West grand boulevard was great that night man.. Moshijng is good for you.. I have to admit that that night i was one of the moshers.. LOL! but i ran away when the bguards were there.. =P ya i did shout i love daphne and such, but i'm pretty glad she's leaving ahz cos i think bryan suits west grand more than her. Flights of fancy is still the best man. Tien was great too... Concept Scream shocked me man! Their songs are real good. The vox ended their set well. I'm sorry but i don't really enjoyed plain sunset cause i think their music is rather plain. i missed saw losers cause it seems to me that having my cig was more important at that moment. LOL!

OK! hey comes the hate part of that night. Divine 9! Yes i loved their set that night alot and i think their music was superb. But i here by declare one thing. BANDS OUT THERE! I may not be anything in your eyes but the fact is you're nothing to me either. I can headbang n mosh and scream how much i love you during gigs BUT when everything ends i'm still just another person on the street who appreciates music and wants nothing more than music. i don't give a shit about your fame and how "forturnate" i am to be able to talk to you and get close to you. I approached you meerly to tell you how much i enjoyed the set and hope you guys will keep up the good work. Not because i wanna stuck up on you and let people think that i'm always close with all the famous bands. Yes i have to agree that because of my outwardness towards the bands that i have befriend with a few of them. but even if i wasn't given a chance to talk to them. I really don't give a shit. I have a band myself and i'm working hard for my band so that we can bring people good music too. i'm not as retarded as those fangirls out there. Please do not put me as the same ranking as them. and if you really wanna argue with me about this case, ok i DID stuck up on 1 rocker and that is Levan. not because he's sexy and stuff but its because he impacted my life with his songs abnd that single hug he gave me when i 1st approached him to tell him how much i enjoyed the set. He made me feel like i'm not being myself and he made me feel like i should really change. He inspired me to inspire people and bring good music to life. He's the ONLY one in my life that i did really want to be good friends with after a gig. Other then that... I doubt so.. Romey's someone who's in my friend's band so its different. Cause he's a friend already i don't have to go know him we'll naturally know each other. So ya... so talking to you, telling you how much i love your set, listening to you saying alot of very glorious visions and helping you carry your stuff doesnt mean i'm i'm stucking up on you. I'm just doing what a normal person would do. it doesnt nessery to be your band cause i help all the bands i know to carry their stuff if they need any help. Sorry amelia, i have to say, i'm still very very very pissed about what happened that day. IF you were to be smart and cautious enough to know that a bunch of caucasian guys in a hotel room with 2 rather sexy ladies, something's gonna happen, i wouldn't be so pissed in the first place. You're really acting like another pamela. you know why? cause you're dragging me down into your love life. HEY! I've NEVER ONCE! in my life dragged ANYONE other than myself into my messed up relationship life. In fact all my friends know is only .. " Oh Aries attached now.. huh?! broke up already? why so sudden? 2mths ago you just told me you 2 were together." so why the fuck you drag me down into yours? You wanna know when you did it? oh here it goes. the very FIRST incident, Kazu, the relationship you guys have has NOTHING to do with me. But you guys just HAVE to drag everyone down with your quarrels, arguements and disagreements. Don't say its only kazu. cos you're at fault aso. cause you're the one who's not decisive enough to make choices. Don't tell me about settling. Things are not as hard as it seems. God wouldn't give you things you cant settle. Its just that you're just running away and you don't know it. do some soul searching before to tell me about what ever you think cause what ever you say now may makes sense but in time to come it doesnt anymore. Don't ask me what can you do about it if i'm so smart because i don't know how. for me i wouldn't start a relationship if i know its not going to work out in the 1st place. doesnt that saved you alot of trouble? and kinda think of it, WHAT EVER you once told me, about having this cosplay team, about being goth chicks, but renting a room, about organising gigs about ALOT of things.. are just all talk no action. Cosplay team, you know i have done more work on the team when i'm with ashley and kei than i'm with you? yes u have all the information but they're the ones doing the work. We all crashed at kei's place just to see details of the charters n such. Then you'll ask why we didnt ask you over. Cause you always have these bunch of crazy reasons backing you up, "i'm working." , "don't want la i think this this this that that that way is much better." , " no la blah blah blah blah.." you have 15 off days per mth, this is what you called busy with work? i only only 8 off days per mth n i do do alot more things then you. what does this show? Don't tell me about you being the "more leader" role in the team cause its ashley who's the one who's doing all the work. you ONLY did the purchasing of the book and asking us out for meeting right? When did these meetings ever successful i ask you? i Seriously think its because of my trust to you that things ended up this way.But anyway, back to the point, you simply dragged everyone down. Friends are always there for each other, but not up the the extend that we want them to be in trouble along with us lei. Its more of I'm in trouble and they're helping me to recover from the pain. Not join in my pain. Don't tell me that i'm telling you all the things that you already know cause you're not acting like you know it. Then the next one. MARK! fucking hell you're the one who likes him, don't keep asking me to help you out.. You know by doing this it makes me look like some uber KPO?! what kawai said was right man.. My intentions are good but it always seems like i'm diggijng into other people's busniess.. I want to tell you this. You have no right over anyone over your life, Not me, not jiro, not queen, not purple not ka cha... in fact NO ONE! don't tell me.. " but i'm your mother!, But i'm his sister! " Sorry u're important but not that important. even our own blood parents we aso dun bother le why you? really tell me.. why you? Tell us things that makes sense, don't tell us things that makes u sound like you make sense. if u really wanna say right. MOTHER WOULDN'T EVEN LET HER DAUGHTER TAG ALONG TO A GUY'S HOTEL ROOM! not to mention a bunch of them. I know i'm too old to be a virgin but i'm proud about it. i'm just another normal girl qwho wants to loss it to someone who i thought i'm madly in love with etc etc.. not through a one night stand and this message goes to mark as well. don't tell me that you saved me in the end cause you're the one who dragged me into this shit. you KNEW that i didnt slept for 2 days, you knew that i wasnt comfortable, you knew.... but you still allow it to happen.. don't tell me its my own fault that i wanted to rest cos if you know you have to force yourself to be awake why go in the 1st place? OH! cause of mark right? which part of my face tells u i'm interested in mark aso? its only you right? THEN DON'T FUCKING DRAG ME DOWN! You know what pamela would do? she'd say she don't wanna go in the 1st place. or she'll drag me to go but once she knows i'm uncomfortable she'll say we'd leave. After this incident i really think you're worse than her. Don't say that i compare you to her and its unfair to you or you're not her etc etc... cos this only shows one thing. you're a lousier friend. you're not her cause she's better. I didn't wanna entertain more of your lies and things that you assured that wld never happen. i'm pisseed and i'm disappointed. i wanted to pretend that all these thihngs never happened.. but i couldn't. nope not at all. cause i can no longer tolerate your bimboism. What is a bimbo? A bimso is a girl who always things who's right, thinks everyone else she not as strong and cool and clever as her, thinking everyone don't understand her yet expects them to do so *i'm sorry i have my own problems too i don't understand your foolish obsession with things that you obviously know yet act like you dunno*,making ridiculous assummsions and pushing all the blame to other people. Don't tell me that those girls on TV and those fangirls ard you are bimbos cos you act EXACTLY like them. Don't tell me you don't need a guy cause you really do. you make stupid mistakes when you don't have a guy beside you. Everyone needs to be loved , don't act like you don't need it. that means 1 thing, you're not being yourself and you're lieing to yourself. logics and storys are easily said than done. You can sound as mature as you want but if you're thinking is still like that.. forget about being mature you're never there. As i always say. i'm only 16, if i can say that, why cant you? I do agree that i've been a very irresponsible, low self esteem, indecisive little brat. but now things are going to change. Don't tell me without you i wouldn't be me today. Don't tell me you'd be more accomplished than me. Don't tell me that you're the one who brought me all what i have now. Cause i can tell you. you're not. I agree that i do have my own charm. And you agreed with it too. i have ways to achieve my goal. in a clean manner. i don't go around flirting and such just to get things i want. Cause until now i TRUELY belive in friendship. thats about it. go think about what you have been doing recently and really considfer what you wanna do in the future. Stop wasting your time on unnessesary things. and stop running away..

2006-12-11T11:32:00.000+08:00

Hoho.. This is 1 thing i HAVE to put up on my blog. Ever seen bleach characters playing time crisis 4? There you go~

2006-11-27T13:49:00.000+08:00

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

GGF + Seraph

2006-11-27T02:19:00.000+08:00

Ok.. i'm dedicating this post to my Dear beloved GGF and Seraph. Seraph consist of Dennis *vox*, Jiro *lead guitar* , Jeffrey *rythme guitar*, Jieguang *bass guitar*, Rachel * keyboard* and louis *drums*. Then GGF aka gay gigalo friends *ya i know.. LOL!* consist of Seraph excludding louis, nafi, jere, ju boon, ah wei, kuek, me, jia ying, cheng cheng and ellis. LOL! Hmmm.. It all started at koyuki's gig actually. Yes everyone now knows i condemned him but well I woudln't have met GGF if it wasn't for that gig so his name HAD to be in here. Credits removed from him because i was the one who approached Dennis though. LOL! Anyway, I knew Dennis's existance eveer since Cosfest. At first i thought he was a girl man, turns out that he's a guy! >.< and i didnt know it until the gig. -.- We had to choose the best dressed person of the night out so i decided to sabo him and pulled him out. I thought he was a girl and thought its pretty cool to joke around with "her". But it turns out that when the mic was passeed to him, he said.. " Ehh.. My name is Dennis." Everyone was stunned man. I don't deny that i'm stunned myself though. LOL! Dennis and I clicked quite well because of our love of headbanging~! =X That night I took his msn from koyuki cause i think it'll be damn cool if both of us can go to gigs can headbang like mad. LOL! Then I got to know the rest of Seraph on another koyuki's gig. Actually, i knew jiro ever since last year's October but we wouldn't very close. It seems that fate has its own way of handling stuff. LOL! It was really cool though. I got to know GGF that night too! And the very next day, its like, I've become their band's personal makeup artist overnight. The next day was their big gig outside ACM aka Asian Civiliasian Musuem so all of us went to jiro's Telok Banga house to prepare. Actually, I cannot cover this up anymore but that was the very first time i did stage makeup, didn't know that it'll turn out so good. LOL! Cause in the house, the makeup seems very dramatic, but on stage, it was perfect. I felt really rpoud of them that day man. Then after that we went to gashaus to celebrate jiro's birthday. I tell you Mark wanted to make jiro drunk but in the end the one who's down is Dennis. So as GGF~, we're brother enough to all go to jiro's house to ton and to take care of Dennis. hohoho~ The feeling was rerally nice, everyone's a part of the family man! So cool~ Ok ahz the fact that rachel and i have to see them being in their shorts n boxers walking ard is quite funny overall its really nice ahz.. LOL! Not that i really mind about it but just find it funny when i come to think of it. I still remember JG told me, " Aries.. You've seen the ugliest side of Seraph now. Guess you're the only one who've ever gonna see his." LOL! I think alright la~ More of the most natural and adorable side than ugly to me. LOL! Everyones cool man i tell you. Currently almost all of them have their own status in my listing.. LOL! Lets see.. Dennis, Jiro and Jeffrey are my Didis, Jieguang's my korkor *ok he wants to be my jiejie but i already have 2 jies and i really don't wanna have anymore jies so i'll treat him like the prettiest kor i ever known n and. =)*, Rachel is my chiobu, Nafi's my mommy, Ju boon's my lesbian, jere is the one who stole my lesbian away, locke is the one who stole jere away from my lesbian, kuek is duck, ahwei is the guy who the duck is madly in love with *LOL*, jiaying is my kor's lao po *but to think of calling her da sao seems so weird cos she's my didi's younger cousin so ya.. LOL!* , Cheng cheng and ellis are .. i dunno lei.... not really close with the... LOL! Now finally! Here are some of the pictures i've taken with them from then till now.. =)

Jiro and me~

Dennis and me~

Rachel and me~ LOL

Jeffrey and of course.. ME!

Dennis and Jieguang

Nafi and the owner of this blog~

Jieguang piggy backing locke~

Juboon~

Juboon and Jere~ *cough * gaying *cough*

My Favourite GGF photo.. LOL! Guess where is this!

2006-11-26T03:02:00.000+08:00

Ok this event is quite nice.Basically me and xing got really bored so we meet up to have some fun. We went to taka for the mid autum festival food fest and alice's shop to see some lolitas. The feeling is like, simple and comfortable. altough i recalled very clearly that we were pretty awkward because both of us don't really have a common topic but things were pretty much ok and enjoyable.

The kid with the mohoc hair!!! Yes i'm a bitch i forced him to take a pic with me. =)

AH!!!! My favourite japanese dessert~! I only see this in anime matsuri so.. T.T FINALLY! i get to eat it live!!!!

Japanese pizza and.... SOTONG ROLL! Its one of the best thing i've tasted man.. damn nice....

Xing makaning.. LOL! i thought it'll be cool if we can just sit down and eat our stuff so we sat at the stairs inbetween the escalators beside the basement fountain. Kimochi desu~~

Me and xing with the "AH!!! and ah~" face.. LOL

2006-11-26T02:45:00.000+08:00

Ok.. up next is firebrands.. i went to their jamming with rachel, yat and saiful that time. its was pretty cool actually. took alot of photos.. nothing much to reallty describe about that day though.. so i think i'll just let pictures remind me on how it feels that day... but it appears to me that theres too many pictures already so nvm.... post a few enough le... =X

2006-11-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

Ok... i'm going to post ALL the shit that i'm supposed to post but too lazy to.. LOL!
ok.... let me recall.. oh yes! lets start from me and sandra.. After a few days after meeting rachel, i met up with my mlao po sandra. well, she's pretty much the same from then till now, a lot of bullshit from the family and stuff. Poor girl, guess everyone has things that they really cant control. Anyway, she needed to meet up her brother to collect some shit at city hall so i accompanyed her there. It was raining actually and we're like in school, *yes i know, someone must have prayed really hard for me to go to school to suffer* so we went for it. LOL! some shit happened at when we were at cityhall so to make her feel better, i bought her to the chocolate house at the esplanade.

me being wet...

Sandra being wet.. *check out her pink bra* =X

hoho.;.. yup me and her... *imagine me and you~* =P

yes she's my pornstar.. nothing to be jealous about~ =X

My drink... Chocolate don't know what ever fuck cant remember..

Chocolate banana what ever fuck also due to my restricted memory power...

2006-11-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

ya i know.... its been months.. hey blogging needs mood man.. at least i'm bothered to come back... =)

2006-08-18T11:22:00.000+08:00

yo~ For the past 2 days i've been rather Emo actually. Things haven't been very clear for me to see so i think i pretty much pissed a few of my friends. I've been acting like a little bastard, a little selfish, a huge chunk of irresponsibility etc these days. Lets just put it as i lost my sense of direction. I don't think anyone at all could help me since i can't even help myself so lets just see how things goes. Anyway, despite these, i did had fun these 2 days.Well i met Rachel up in Punggol after her drum lesson with Wayne since i was at home. LOL! Had lunch in a foodcourt around the area before brining her to pennisula. I was pretty surprised that she'd never been to pennisula before cause she's like The Gig organiser who knows quite a significate amount of local and overseas bands. Nevertheless we headed out to pennisula. We walked around, talking about alot of stuff,headed into a toy collector's shop where the owner is super friendly. LOL! spent around 1hour in there if i'm not wrong. I always liked to go there, he always tells me what i should do when i'm lost again. LOL! I have a horrible sense of direction in life. LOL! Anyway, after that we went to Liang court to see what rchel wants for her bday party. We couldn't really see what we want so we headed out to Bras basah's macs to slack abit. After another round of yakking, we decided to head out to the DHL ballon to find my okasan. I was really keen in introducing Rachel to my okasan because my okasan is a very important person to me and i want her to know all the nice people i met too. When we reached there, my okasan gave us a "free ride" up the ballon. We have to smuggle in with the tourists! but nevetheless we got up~ The breeze was amazing, i'd never wanna go up the balloon in the day anymore! LOL!

LOL~ A photo of me and Rach up in the ballon~

A picture taken from balloon's view of the land thats below us~ In the day you can see a sun shape but it seems that this different at night. =P

Me and Rachel~

After the ballon, rachel had to rush home to settle her gig stuff and i stayed at bugis after sending her to the train station to wait for my okasan off work. After sending my okasan home, i went home to play Audition until 2am+ 3am. I'm like totally addicted to that game! Fuck maple and gunbound man.. Audition kicks ass. Even though it doesn't have lineage 2's graphics and worms2's thrill and cuteness, but its DDR alikeness pwns! LOL! Well, i didnt really sleep at all actually, my mom woke up up around 5am+ telling me to go to school and settle my O level chinese stuff. I was pretty pissed at that time cause firstly, i didn't get any sleep, i know i never had a good night sleep for a very long time but doesnt mean i don't need rest. Secondly is that i have this training for the PC show that i'm gonna work in next week that i have to attend. Its like, I go to school, i lose my job and if i go to my training, i lose my cert, so the whole situation sucked big time. At that moment i was really pissed so i rampaged the game Audition again. I found Levan online and told him all about it. I'm really grateful that he replyed even though he's freaking tired. He's really very nice. Well by common sense you can know that he told me to go to school of course. Funny thing is i actually listened. Usually i'll feel very " i dont care i don't wanna go", but i actually agreed willingly to go. But i'm glad i listened, cause i got to know later in the evening that theres a second chance for me to get the job back! hehe.. Anyway, i went to school, its my friend's birthday~ In school i have a limited amount of friends cause my school people are those type of people who we should really stay away from. Its been 3months since i stepped into school so must take a little bit of pics~ LOL

This is what i had during reccess. Its $1.70! I don't know about you but i think its abit of a ripe off. Cause the amount is almost smaller than normal food court and theres only 2 dishes.. But nevertheless, it gave me enough energy to sabotage the bday girl~

Me, Amirah, Nadirah~ I know Nadirah's hot.. BUT!i'm sorry to tell you guys but she's attached.. =) The bday girl is miss nadirah. Didnt get a good picture of her but she was really wet at that time thanks to me~ yea! Hey, its nice bathing with mineral water ok! hahaha.

After school, i went to meet my okasan, her bf and chris at ikea~ I LOVE going to ikea cause i always see my dream home there... not to mention.. MY DREAM KITCHEN! hahaha.. Did a little bit of walking around cause my okasan wants to get a computer table for her com. Me and chris were like, everything looks so edible... =X Really1 everything does look so edible. After everything, we took a cab to my okasan's bf's house to put everything. We slack abit at their place and had dinner there. After that they want to go to sunshine plaza to find a friend. I didn't tag along because for the whole day i have this serious urge to play my guitar.. I don't know why but its just this way. =) And yup i got home and finally played my guitar! yea!

2006-08-14T12:57:00.000+08:00

Yea~ now for the second post~~ LOL Yesterday night, Me, My okasan Amelia, Ashley went to WCG to find Chris. We were like.. argh!! where the hell is chris! Cause she doesnt have a phone you see.. so after awhile we've decided to just get out of the place and wait for her to call. On the way down, we bumped into my jiejie~ which name is called totchi. *i ya know its a very cute name* LOL!!!So we went up to WCG again. He was suppose to be a star trooper but he was like 1hr+ late so in the end he didnt get to do it. And because of us coming up again, we found Chris!! yea~ After that, my jiejie has officially join our group of neverending crap filled girls. We went to marina bay to meet up with my okasan's bf kazu and go eat steamboat~ I never really took any photos over there cause i'm too busy eating and frying eggs.. hehe.. My jiejie is power! he peeled all the prawn shells for us! in the end the plate is filled with a mountain of prawn shells. LOL! Ivan joined us awhile later and we had this beef and prawn fiesta. it was cool! After eating, we decided to go to bugis to find my otosan Kei~

This is me and ashley in the bus~

This is my super act cute de jiejie on the bus also~

This is my beautiful okasan on the train~ Ya i know i'm a lucky bastard who always gets s kiss from beautiful women. Sue me for it! LOL!!

Me and ivan. Ashley found this crane thingy with a paper clip so i just wear is as an ear ring since my ear holes are kinda big. Stupid kazu have to big mouth say kiss aries when me and ivan are taking pic.. Ivan really wanted to kiss me sia! lucky i siamz.. In my life, i only allow 5 guys to kiss me, 1 is Marilyn manson, 1 is Hyde sama From lar en ciel, 1 is my jiejie, 1 is Levan from ronin, lastly is my bf. Any1 else i will confirm siamz like mad 1! But don't worry, girls are always welcome.. LOL!!

By the time we reach bugis, We meet my otosan for last then 30mins all of us must catch last train home liao.. its another very funny day.. =)

2006-08-14T11:40:00.000+08:00

LOL! Its been such a LONG time since i've blogged. Luckily i remembered the eixtance of this cute little blog. I've change the skin as you can see. Beautiful people shall not be ignored! =P Anyway, Theres alot of things to update but i think i'll just update 2 major ones that just happened. =) This week is a very happening week cause i went to see fireworks!!! *ya i know it God damn crowded* Well anyway... Supposingly i'm suppose to like be Emo and go watch fireworks alone at the outdoor theater at esplanade. But in the end rachel called me up and ask me to join her and hidayat to watch fireworks, so i have to squeeze through a few thousand people to get to marina square stairs to find them.* wah the power of friendship.. bleh =X* Anyway, When i reach there, instead of 3 of us, it became 13 of us. LOL!

Tada~~ 13 people. LOL Row following Kenny the 1st, nicky, elieen, elieen's bf *i'm so sorry i cant remember your name.. >.<, fidaus, rachel, hidayat, ME LOL, eu king *ya i know*, kumal *sorry for all the spelling errors of names >.<* Theres only 10 in here cause 3 of us aint there yet. Erm.. i forgot their names! >.< Too many people in a day. ah!!

Anyway.. we all went to see the beautiful fireowkrs of course.. =) This tear's team is from france and you know what everyone says, France gives the most beautiful things~

After the fireworks, We went to esplanade's park to slack a bit. All of us sit in the middle of the road playing truth or dare. Its cool ok! I totally love this game cos everyone is so sporty! Kenny was dared to do hardgay stuns, rachel was dared to almost kiss eu king, Rachel and the girl who i've forgotten the name was forced to say the pledge out loud in front of a group of people beside us, i'm must say out which 3 guys in the group i might be interested in >.<, and the a very cool truth i said, " I LIKE PAUL TWOHILL! LOL~ I like paul because he looks like marilyn manson. haha.. and i hate joakim. Cause its like.. this stupid kid join this competition and all the girls are like so cute so cute all over him! I mean like.. hello~ he's like just another baby face guy u can see on the street? whats there to be so mad about him? not like he sing better than alot of people.. =X" I'm sorry if i hurt any joakim's fans but i really really don't like him and thats my problem =) Anyway, kenny was dared to hug this big guy thats 1.93m tall who i also have forgotten the name of and scream i love fidaus. LOL

Aint he just so damn tall? I believe kenny is 170 so yup look at the height man! He pwned felix!! Hail to metal rockers!!

I was videoing kenny's hardgay stunt. I look retarded i know.. LOL! but its funny ah!

Me and rachel~ She's ALOT smaller than me.. so cute right!

After that we have to rush for our last train, but first! group photo~

Another group photo~

And lastly~ Me, Rachel, Nicky~

I had a really great time with them! Wish we could do it again! Hehehe...

2006-05-17T00:22:00.000+08:00

man... today's a though day man... wake up early in the morning to go work.. bleh... my sales today is the lousiest man! argh!!$315.60 only!! T.T even tere got $865++ today is really my unlucky day man... izzit because i got up at the wrong side of the bed? or is it just because i didnt pray enough today... man things were tough.. i can't believe i actually bumped into a pervert during work and couldnt hit to target... this suck... hey come on... give my more sales man.. i totally need the dough.. i finally know what i want for my life... please let me successed in it!!argh... today's a tiring day man... totally working hard in getting more $.. argh!!! anyway.. GOOD NEWS! i finally get his image off of my head! MEANING.......... i don;t like him anymore!!! yea~~~ told you its infactuation... Man... the day when i learnt how to shut my big fat mouth is the day that i'll be serious man.. i think its because when i need someone and he's so totally not there... and thats cool man... thats how i forget about dest in the same place right... actually dest not so la... is until i know xing's existance then i forget about him.. but while.. this definately prove 1 thing... my obsession towards dest to ALOT more than toward him man... seee... i don;t even wanna mention his name cos its just infactuation.... sorry dude... if you so happen to have the free time to come and read my blog.. i wan you to know that you're still the cooliest and cutest boy i ever seen! =) but i'm sorry you're too much a boy.. =X i'm dieing for another target man... you know... LOL! i think its just saying that it aint my time to settle down yet... LOL!but hey... you're still a damn cool friend alright! never forget that man. love ya~

2006-05-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

haiz... fuck my mom.. fuck my dad... fuck my brother... fuck my sis... fuck the shit i'm in... fuck the world... fuck you.. fuck off.... fuck the mothering fucking morons is my fucking school... i wanna fucking fuck thus world upside down.. YES I HAD A BAD DAY FUCKER! and i'm fucking pissed off right now... fuck porn.... fuck hentai.... fuck money..... fuck lucify..... fuck you mother fucker who fucking hell fucked God and fucking fucked adam and eve causing all these fucking shit to happen you mother fucker... you fuck i rather be fucking dead... but i fucking hell haven't learn dancing and fucking find my fucking love so i can't just fucking die like that you mother fucking fucker.. stop fucking fucked up my fucking life and just fucking screw your own fucking business.. fucking hell argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the way i fucking swear is fucking shit but fuck it i don't fucking care... Feel my fucking wrath you fucking shit... some fucking day i won't have to fucking face all this fucking shit and mind my own fucking busniess man... fuck you!

2006-05-12T03:15:00.000+08:00

today i freaked the hell out of my friend again... well... i told him how i really feel and hope he can accept it.. not that i wanna stick my heart to him like superglue but its just the way i feel... hopefully it'll go away pretty soon and serve it as an infactuation.. But the feeling is really great ah... its like the shy feeling that suddenly rushed into your heart... the sight of his smile and his soft voice is so soothing that my anixousness just dissolve into thin air.. the feeling of standing beside him is just so comfortable that it feels like as if i'm laying on a king size cotton bed.. its nice... but as i said... i'll try my best to make it as an infactuation.. anyway.. got to work the next day so haiz... tiring... now at tere's house doing my blog cos i cant find someone to talk to since she's bathing... got this inspiration of poetry.. so here goes...

Love creates feelings.

Feelings are the greatest motivation of all

For love, anything is possible

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love

and be loved in return.

I am born to love therefore life is all about love to me.

Life without love is like living my life like death.

A part of heaven can be found in this world for love is a part of its existance.

Every single second spent on love makes eternity so important.

Love is like oxygen, without it we'll feel breathless.

Love is like water, without it we'll feel thirsty.

Love is like a filling, without it we'll feel empty.

Therefore, without love, I'm no better than a lifeless corpse walking on this meaningless world.

And because of your existance, love is possible.

2006-05-08T19:02:00.000+08:00

when i was just a little girl... i asked my mother what will i be.... will i be pretty wil i be rich... heres what she said to me... que sera sera... what ever will be... will be..... the future's not ours to see... que sera sera....... when i grew up and fell in love... i asked my lover what will i be.. will there be rainbow day after day... heres what he said to me... que sera sera... what ever will be will be... will be.......... que sera.... the future's not ours to see... when i have children of my own.. they asked their mother what will i be... will i be handsome.. will i be rich... i tell them wait and seee....... haiz..........

2006-05-08T12:03:00.000+08:00

ah.. its been a long time since i last blogged.. so here goes... these days i was pretty depressed about my weight.. finally got myself sick... But i'm still fat!! >.< I think theres something with me and school man.. i was depressed and i got myself into sneezeing alot. After i went to school the actual flu came... that suck... but my wives treat me very well... like sandra.. she's very worried about me.. so she spent time with me, bring mt to buy clothes that give me more self confidence... she's a very nice girl... screw that jerk who dumped her... she's the nicest girl around man... then theres ashley... she's very nice to me too... always there to find a way to help me... very nice girl.... screw that idiot who rejected her.... i miss daryl!! haven't been chatting him for quite awhile.. he's another very nice friend i have... very similar to me.. very nice... it feels great chatting with him.. hope he's doing fine... I don't feel comfortable with both Rei and Lucify... i feel unwanted in Rei and i don't know i should continue supporting kairong and misaki... oh well.. As i said... i don't wanna label myself as a christian cause i hate christians.. they're so fake... stupid hypocrites... But me myself i believe in God's existance... bleh....

this song is found it take the lead... loved that movie... have that kind of stupid feeling...

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, what will I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.
Que Sera, Sera,Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.When I was young, I fell in love
I asked my sweetheart what lies ahead
Will we have rainbows, day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said.
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.
Now I have children of my own
They ask their mother, what will I be
Will I be handsome, will I be rich
I tell them tenderly.
Que Sera, Sera,Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see
Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.

2006-04-25T11:36:00.000+08:00

haiz... quarrelled with my mom last night... she sucked as a mom i tell you... she really did... i told her..." what i really wanted is a mother not an atm. i don't care about having a hp i don't care about starving abit. I just want to have a place where when i open the door i know i have a mom cooking dinner for me. When i have no need to go out and eat all the time. I know by saying all these hurts you. Why i click with my dad more even though he never gave me $? Cos i know when i need someone to talk to he'll be there.. .He did what a father is suppose to do. It hurts me as well cos i care4d but i know if i don't tell you this then things will be worse." and you know what the fuck she replyed? " I'm not hurt. i expected all these already cos the fortune teller told me all these. He already told me my kids will be siding their fathers and i'll work like a horse all day until the day i died." I'm like.. WTF?! You're fucking blaming all this shit to fate?! Please.... I do fortune telling too alright? and fortune telling is to let you know what you should do... Not the other way round... Thats y i say i hate chinese fortune tellers.. always give to much detail... they deserve to do to hell n burn... I was so puissed that i told her.." you don't even wanna try and you're blaming everything on fate. You really sucked as a mother lo.. Does that mean if i walk out of the house and died its just fate?" And she said yes... WTF! then might as well don't give birth to me.. what kind of fucking mother is this? Tell you what... my okasan amelia is doing a better job as a mother to me then you! as i said.. you're not my mother anymore... you're just some auntie who gives me $ and i have to work for it by cleaning up the house... and thats sad i tell you... But NO you still don't understand you fucking blame it on fate... ok now i tell you... fate tells me that i'll kill my brother and earn a millon. fate tells me you will go to hell n burn cos you sucked as a mom.. fate tells me that you'll lose all your kids and your family and you'll be all alone cos of your fucking attitude and belief... Let me guess... she'll say.." ya its fate lo bo pian." go to hell and burn mother fucker! Care... please... if money is care right... Haiwei loves me through the deepest depth of his heart already lo... If money is love.. i love my brother le lo cos he force so much $ out of me already... if money is honesty, my sister will stop lieing since she stole so much money from me... wtf! go to hell!

2006-04-23T02:06:00.000+08:00

ok la fuck blogspot... was uploading my post then in the end it only came out the ending part... fuck blogspot!!! ok... have to find just now that kind of emotion back 1st... LOL! ok.......... today i went to gombak to meet loki to go to koyuki's house to prepare for Rei's gig at Y east Marine cove. I was late for 35mins + cos i woke up late... >.< Lucky the others were all late.. bowhahaha... After preparing their costume and stuff, we took koyuki's wife charlotte's dad's van to marine cove... there where 10 of us, me, loki, koyuki, charlotte, Cedric, cedric's gf lilian, Destructos, destructos's gf Xing, Mike and Hyde. We all sqeeuze into the van just nicely.. LOL! I was the 1 leading the road... argh! why am i the only east sider!!! >.< lucky i didnt screw up the journey to the east from the west...

This is for Destructos... I was pretty upset at first when i got to know that you had a gf. Not only because i'm the last one to know, and also because i actually wanted to continue admiring you and looking after you from a far until u finally graduate and have the time to be commited to a relationship. I wanted to use the next 12mths to change myself for the better cause i always thought that i'm not good enough for you. You're the coolest dude i ever met and i doubt i'll ever meet another one despite so many people telling me i will. I was pretty miserable for the past few days but now i'm not anymore and its also because of you. I really have to thank you for that. Cause you made my band dreams come true. At the start when this whole band thing started out, i told myelf...

1: i wanted to be a part of the band... Now i am... I'm very glad that i'm recognise by you guys!

2: 1 wanted to sew the band's costume.. especially yours.. And now i did...

3: I wanted to do the make up of the band.. Definately put more interest in helping you cause you never did make up.,, and i did!!!

4: i wanted to click with every1 of the band members.. And now i am.. =) Used to have a hard time chatting with kurei that asshole and you.. i'm not good at absorbing things...

5: To be able to sit down and have a very fun chat with every1 again.. Cause i feel that i annoyed you pretty much cos of my voice and the way i talk... And tonight we did had fun at the coffee shop.. LOL!

Its like... Today i really felt happy... Never felt so happy for months... seriously! Now you're the one who i look up to and respect as a big brother. Nothing more than that don't worry... I have finally forsaken the silly idea of having an obsession towards you~ LOL... I give you and Xing all my blessing from the deepest depth of my heart. LOL~ *all this sound mushy i know* =)

Ya this part is for Rei.. I'm a very emotional person so this is something i wanna tell you guys.. You guys rock! Cedric i'm really happy that you joined the band! Seriously... i feel so proud you for guys.. i don't know why i just feel so proud.. Today's performance is really great! You guys bought my joy that has helped me overcome my past. Why did i say this? simple reason.. During the gig, i saw my ex's bf's "best friend". you see... this bastard is the one who got me believing in my ex when its all just a bet about making a little innocent girl * i was very innocent at that time... TRUST ME ON THAT!* i was at that time in being with my ex. When i saw him sitting down watching the gig, I felt so pissed and humiliated that i just couldn't stop feeling terrible. But when you guys performed, it gives me the pride feeling that the sick feeling that bastard gave me. Its like, why the fuck will i wanna be bothered about the past when i have this band to look after for? This band who bring me joy when i go to their jamming sessions supporting them. So ya.... You guys are cool... yup yup... i know all these sound so mushy and weird but thats how i feel and more importantly..... THIS IS MY FUCKING BLOG I CAN TYPE WANNA EVER SHIT I WANT!!! LOL~ =P

This is Rei~ *left to right* Destructos aka kaimatsu, Koyuki, Cedric, Kasumi aka Mike, Hyde
They haven put their make up on yet.. But once i have the picture i'll upload~ hehehe...

Yup this is the make up i did for Dest.. I'm so sorry! until now then i noticed that i didnt do your left eye properly.. don't worry next time i'll be more careful... the teeth is drawn by koyuki cos when he's on stage it looked as if he just put on light makeup... the teeth aint drawn nicely but we'll have another go the next time.. cos i noticed that the teeth aint drawn according to his jawline thats y it looks very weird... ya we'll have another go next time.

tea~ this is the longest blog post i have ever typed b$!! LOL! *peace*

2006-04-19T00:26:00.001+08:00

Today, Me and loki went to watch the movie "Take The Lead" at the new Cathy Cineplex. Its a splended show! The dance moves are like wow.... Seriously, if i'm the girl in there, I'll say what she said,"I'll kill someone just to dance like that." Its a wet day today so had a hard time walking around. Ater meeting nat and my son for awhile, we went to taka to do some market research. She's freaking hell man she spent $200 today! Well, $70 is thanks to the dress she made me buy. I kinda like the dress actually. Its just that i'm too fat for it.. But apparently she loves this sweet and cute image the dress gave me so she took 2hours to get to me get that dress.. Argh! more reasons for me to work hard to slim down! T.T

2006-04-19T00:26:00.000+08:00

2006-04-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hmm... changed my blog skin.. lazy to edit myself so got a new blogskin from others... Totally love this guy's design man... its so me... LOL...anyway... this is a testing post so not gonna have alot of things so ya...

2006-03-25T03:29:00.000+08:00

its been a very long while since i post something on my blog... cos now i really feel damn pissed that i cant sleep so have to find something to throw my temper. i have no idea wtf is wrong with amelia and kazu.. if they're not serious together then don't get together in the first place.. i don't wanna be the person blamed for their break up.. i really don't enjoy seeing people who get to know each other for less than a week and get together... experience no shit together.. how the fuck are they gonna last you tell me? just by being togther for a week alone they can get bored of it.. when they whole group is together... we tried to pull them in but NO they wouldn't... know they're saying they don;t understand wtf we;re talking about... WTF! you're telling mi you dunno dirty jokes.. you;re telling me you don't know tarots... you're telling you know nuts about what we're talking about...if like that we wouldn't have so much in common already... -.- and since you know nuts about it what for call all of us out again when u 2 will be enjoying each other's company in your own little world. might as well you all enjoy it yourself.. i always close an eye towards couples but know you;re hugging each other and say.."we're not close at all" thats bullshit lo... there are single people in the group and some of us are lonely freaks who are desperate for the one we love to give a shit about us. its as hard as trying to make an elephant see an ant. I'm one especially.. i'm jealous cause i'm a meer human.. but what i'm jealous of its not your relationship.. its that u have someone who you can be with n care about.. but no.... amelia wants to remain as friends for she doesnt want to lose us... but kazu is feeling utterly miserable about her decision.. and indirectly blaming us for it... Hey if you don;t slap your body to your gf the whole day nth will happen right? its just so happens that i don;t enjoy hanging out with couples.. just like every other souples i know... aint wrong about it.. if you;re not happy thats your problem.. don;t blame your break up on me.. if you're trying to say i can just go out with u guys n feel uncomfortable about it for the sake of this so called friendship... sorry no cant do.. i hate feeling uncomfortable and thats that. you lose your gf thats your problem.... aint fair for me to be left out will u 2 lover birds start laughing at each others jokes with your worlds revolting each other. you say u aint but thats whats happening... if you're not happy about thats your problem....

2006-03-02T13:20:00.000+08:00

2006-03-02T12:47:00.000+08:00

today i never go to school again... was thinking might as well dun go for the whole week le... no point going for tml what... the lessons tml are somewhat useless... i feel so sad... i just watch sailor moon final episode on youtube.com... i feel like i'm just a dry leaf floating by the winds not knowing which direction i'm going. flying over the lands feeling so alone.. it reminds me why i love sailormoon so much when i'm young. it gives me the same feeling i'm having now.. i wish things were like it use whe n i'm sec1.. when ruimin n i still goes to school together.. things look so diffeent after she left.. i never had a friend who cares for me so much.. not even pamela when she's still very much dependent on me.. i feel like i'm not where in space ahz.. i couldnt think of what is really bothering me until yesterday when ivan told me i'm too lonely thats why i feel so empty and frustrated about things around me. i did so many thing to escape the fact that i am feeling very lonely but i just now it aint getting me anywhere...i dont miss anyone right now but i don't know why i just feel so alone. i don't wanna be emo but that is how i feel ahz.. last night i dreamt of something again... its another very weird dream as always. i'm still doing the "as long as i have people with me thats enough" attitude until this person popped out and tell a person i know "i'm the one who you've been waiting and wishing for to come.." then the person beside tells me.." everyone will have someone in their mind who they don't even know wishing and waiting for that person to appear to get them off their lonliness. And so happens that this this person here somehow knows its that person over there that he's waiting for in his life." i know in real life there wouldn't be someone walking up to me in the street and say.." i've waited you and you've waited me for a very long time. Finally we met and we'll never be alone again." But if one day, it happened. I'll burst into tears even if i don't know the person. i know its stupid to react this way but for more than 15 years in my life, i've never feel that i can actually believe in someone and find someone when i really needed help before. So a friend means alot to me. lonliness is a terrible feeling....

2006-03-01T12:21:00.000+08:00

haiz... didnt go school again! T.T haiz... despite dragging myself up to early in the end ended up like that... >.<

2006-02-27T10:21:00.000+08:00

argh! in the end i didnt go school... T^T lazy~ =P have a number of plans to set for today since i'm not going to school anyway... think i better go now... LOL!

2006-02-27T06:39:00.000+08:00

color testing~

2006-02-27T06:16:00.000+08:00

ohayo gozaimasu.............. hopeing from today on i'll go to school continously. Its been quite a while since attended class for a week. For the past whole month i only attended 1 day for week. Thats bad.. hopeing things will turn out better...i'm very lazy to be emo anymore. From now on when problem finds me, i'll just walk away. No point wasting my time and make myself miserable to think about it anyway. In fact after these days of watching anime and spending time with myself, i felt happier. As long as i don't interact with people who only know how to self pity themselve and nag about their problems without thinking how to solve them, i'll be alright. i find that being ignorant really is a bliss. Know so much shit for what.. LOL! I don't really enjoy talking about other people's busniess anyway. I have too much problems of my own.I aint saying that i aint gonna care for people anymore ahz... But what i know is that i spoiled my friends ah.. And that sucks.. Anyway, i find kairong cuter and cuter each time i see his display pic, kairong from lucify, just in case i forgot who is he LOL!. Haiz... him and misaki is soooo bishi now... well, misaki is the one who i asked email from at first, kairong is just introduced through a friend of mine who apparently block me. *i think its cause i aint goth anymore thats why LOL* Back to the topic , misaki cosplayed toshiya from DEG before and he's a guitarist + backup vocal + keyboardist!! *no wonder i asked for his email* But the fact that i find it extremely hard to chat with him. We don't have much common factors actually. I don't know what he likes and stuff like that. And he doesnt start the topics so currently he's just another email in my msn. Where as kairong from " i find this guy kinda irritating" become "hey he's rather cute.". LOL! i aint implying that i like him. In fact i don't really like anyone now. i gave dest up already and this time is for real. Anime is evil~ LOL! it makes my standed even higher... =X I rather spend my time staring at yue, yuikito and touya... =P I found the genki me back again! thats good... LOL! I like the genki me more than the emo me cause i feel happy. one thing is i don't give a shit to stuff but the main reason is cause i feel happier now... wai~~~~ LOL! ^-^

2006-02-26T20:12:00.000+08:00

testing one 2 three

2006-02-26T19:55:00.000+08:00

testing one.... two... .three.e......

2006-02-26T17:49:00.000+08:00

new skin

2006-02-15T11:30:00.000+08:00

Well.. Yesterday was valentines day and its one of the crappest day in my life. Not because i'm single but because of the way people were acting yesterday. Man whats wrong with them.... A huge group of people crowding here and there... this and that... Seriously i find the bouquet of flowers that I wrapped up for ryan is much nicer than the ones elizabeth wrapped, talk aboout lack of resources... thats bad... anyway.. yesterday everyone just sucked... only ash,kei n jan is normal... i love them they're SO normal! I don't know about you but if you find people who wears VK make up all day with deep passion in the arts, a girl who's obsess with her girlfriend and totally oblivious to her surrounding people *aka i dont care what you think i'm being myself and i'm happy with it so fuck off* and one who's in love with a game charactor wishing somehow he's real so that she could marry him are weird, tell you what, they're the most normal people around yesterday. =) yesterday, at the end of the day, i can't deny it but i still think dest is the best guy in the world... he's another normal person yesterday... love him for that... he may suck but in terms of being someone who i think is normal and real, i never met another guy like him.. anyway... come back to the topic... as i said... i think i make better bouqet than elizabeth..... well i do have prove you know....

Aint it just beautiful~ to bad it aint for me... LOL

I believe.... and i don't give a shit about what those people would say so YES i think and i know i did a beter job!

2006-02-12T01:14:00.000+08:00

today is a day to remember... i have lost interest in dest... finally... took me long enough.. =) ^.^v but actually... i shld continue liking him you know... at least i feel emotionally stable cause at the very least i have someone i admire... hmmm... oh well...

2006-02-09T00:08:00.000+08:00

It seems that as time goes by, human nature is begining to show itself. I see those who can be trusted and those who i once trusted. Its a little freaky actually, knowing someone worthy of my trust ended up to be nothing but another dumb bag. Actually i should know it by now, seeing what is actually going on. I feel rather traumatized by my surrounding people. I don't mind being alone but i hate it when i KNOW i'm alone. That suck cause it made me rather dependent on people's company which is bad. Now i learnt that, only him and her are the people i could really put my trust on. Ya.. The him which is so near yet so far away and the her who is yes always there. Somehow we are just so similar and yet so different. school still seems the last place i wanna be. I fell in love with my humanities and physics lessons but somehow maths just pull me away.. The horror of formulars and equations is growing into my bones. These days, i wonder if its because of my monthly issues or meer affection, i see dest's face everywhere. Every single moment, his face smiling at me and the times when he laughs keep ringing in my head. Especially the times at the band's jamming sessions, the ero he's giving out is just right. Even though he's such a sucked up asshole who is totally insensitive and obilivious towards his surrounding atmosphere, he's still attracting. He never fails to keep to his promises and always responsible towards everything he do. There maybe a billion people out there who's so much better than him in any expects like art and music which i always take very seriously about, he's still the best. i don't know, i just feel calm and happy when i know he is too. I love his smile and laughter so much that at times i could even dream about it when i sleep, dayream his sleeping face in the day and images of him laughing and joking around every now and then every moment. I think knowing him, whether is it a far or near, I still feel happy. At times when he really hurts me with his words, yes i feel very upset. But everytime he never really did take it seriously, even though its ironic but i feel rather relieved. I always felt this way every since i seen him at koyuki's house. His smile is just so beautiful and nothing in words i could discribe the joy it brought me. It may seems stupid but actually, when i was still madly "in love" with my son and feel totally miserable about it. Hanging out with kopyuki,him and ID seems the best thing ever happened. Not forgeting the day at marina square's foodcourt where we sat down discussing whether i should be their keyboardist and play "Grass". That i should say is one of the best days of my life last year. haiz... This is crazy man... No wonder i have no further interest with frank and that ichigo guy.. I just cant get him out of my head! damn it.... i always wanting a weaker guy so that he could listen to me and accompany me go where ever i want and be under his wings. what the hell.. In the end i go for a guy who's never gonna be with me and make me even more determine to be independent. He taught me that actually reading aint that difficult, he taughet me how little i actually know about things, he taught me actually staying away from gossips and little girls who cant keep their mouth shut as far away as possible is good for me. He may not know it but he changed my life. As my mentor without him knowing, as my motivater without him acknowledging, as my number one admirer carrying his rejection, he's the best....

2006-02-04T02:18:00.000+08:00

well.. this is the point in time when i start reflecting about whats going around me. I really think that money plays a big part in life. If i'm rich, life would be so much better....

20 things i could think of if i am rich....

1: I could bring my dogs to training school.
2: I could groom my dogs. *i love my dogs from the deepest part of heart but i just don't know how to take care of them*
3: I could hire a maid to do all the house chores.
4: I can afford to rent a place.
5: I can afford to learn piano and keyboard.
6: I can afford my own internet connection.
7: I can stop my mom from working.
8: I could be free from the stress of lack of money.
9: I could go for treatments that will cure my skin.
10: I could go for a body checkup.
11: I could go for my operation.
12: I could go to australia without worrying about the $ so much.
13: I could stop borrowing $ from my friends.
14: I could buy ingrodients and cook for my friends.
15: I can custom all my clothes.
16: I can afford to eat good and healthy food everyday.
17: I can learn dancing.
18: I can learn japanese.
19: I can afford a tuition teacher.
20: I can afford concert tickets!

I feel rather sad actually. Its not really about anything... i don't know. Life still feel empty. i haven found my purpose yet. And yes, i have not found myself yet.....

2006-01-30T09:53:00.000+08:00

chinese new year... oh how i hate chinese new year.... -.-

New year's eve: Go my uncle's house eat steam boat, i accidently pushed the "wanton" out from his scoop and he stared at me giving my the idea he wants to whack me. I DID said sorry but he gave me that same look until my mom got so afraid that she just have to torlerate him saying," theres no need to talk, just by staring is enough to let her know the message". Yes he's a jackass i know...

1st day of the new year: woke up by my mom's terrible lecturing about how messy the house was. After which, my mom cooked lunch for us but my brother don't wanna get his ass out off his chair to move just because he don't wanna move away from the meat so in the end we started a quarrel that leads to a fight...

Me: Eh.. move here a bit lei.. theres no space. only you and sis is taking up the whole space of the table.

Jackass: You can sit in between us right?

Me: But you move it'll be more convinent. the Chair is just besides you and its damn heavy lo. Just move abit la!

Jackass: Who are you to order my me around?

Me: Cause i make more sense than you now so move!

Jackass: Why you want to sialan with me is it? Who are you to order me around? What kind of fucking attitude was that ah ?! I tell you" wo ren ni hen jiu le " ok?! Outside so sialan now at home aso wanna sialan with me? Who you think you are?

Me: Kaoz! Now i just want you to move! Whats with you?

*my mom run out standing infront of me trying to block my brother's reach*

mom: ah boy ah you cannot like that talk to you sister..

Jackass: Knn don't think you have a lot of friends you very pro ah.. All ways think you're right ah? Come la scared you ah! "qi kua mai la!" we call people come down la! See who's more pro la! A lot of friends big fuck ah? Talk to me like that. "wo ren ni hen jiu le hor!"

Me: you siao ah? Not like as if you talk to me very nicely these days. Yesterday you're like that. today aso. Sot ah!

*then that jackass gave me 1 hard slap on the left side of my face.*

Jackass: Not happy call people come down la! KNN CB! come la! call people la!

*then he gave me a punch on my left side again. My mom pushed him away crying begging him not to hit me whereas i was laughing my ass away*

Jackass: KNN laugh what laugh! very funny izzit?

*attemtped to hit me but hit my mom instead*

Me: TMD mother "gai ni ta de ah?!"

Jackass: I'm not hitting her i'm hitting you!

*my mom beg him not to hit me anymore while i was still looking into his eyes like he's just another jerk that i look down on.*

I was really laughing when he said all those. 20years old and he could open his ass stinking mouth saying this type of bullshit. But after which my asthma got on me. My mom was very freaked out. But oh well~ If i want him dead now i can~ i have the wound my face face now, all i have to do is to drop by the doctor n police and he's into the cell. But no~ i'll wait. i just have to list everything down for now. I'm condamning him and what ever he do WILL be listed down. 1 more tike n thats it.. game over... i don't believe in kinship anyway... so its ok~ he keep saying he's so pitiful after he watch that fucking retarded jack neo's movie abt this 3 retarded children. He's life from what i see... he's just another spoiled brat... I go N you look down on me.. Once i get my diploma n degree... u're gonna get it... jackass....

3rd day of new year: WEll... more n more hypocritcy... I'm blinded today....

2006-01-30T00:58:00.000+08:00

wah.. now a days people are driving me nuts... gossips here and there... unnessesary lecturing everywhere... I'm also one who produced empty lecturing so can't add more to it.. This sucks... Didn't know cosplay circle could be so complicated... No wonder the senior cosplayers prefer to go solo... I think i'm going solo too.. Being in a group sucks! Even in cosplay theres such politics and hypocritcy.. I'm getting really lazy just thinking about it.. My poor wifes.. One people take her for granted throwing their temper at her nall the time.. Oh well.. hope my son do a good job in taking care of her... The other one... whats wrong with people know a days... nothing better to do? picking an inner war with her all the time.. and the last one.. so quiet so innocent... don't even know people behind her wants her dead for being good.. sheesh..... Well, maybe because of these bullshit, they learn wants the meaning of keep their mouth shut. I noticed, people who nags alot and ask alot of useless questions are people who JUST never learn... just like tere... no matter who many times i screw her in her ear to get her to understand... she JUST don't understand.. oh well... she'll get it one day... I'll get my retribution too you know? Thats why i can't be bothered to lie to people. We just need to WAIT and see... Well, i still love my hobbie of loitering around everywhere looking for new stuff so its ok... Solitute and loniness aint gonna kill me.. in fact i think i need it now.. i need some peace damn it... i wanna get away from these bullshit as FAR as possible man.. wonder whats with people now a days... oh well... I doubt i'm anti social cause i CAN mix around with people i don't know quite well and enjoy it.. But i don't know why... everytime when it gets rather personally.. all the things start happening...weird... must learn one thing.... ignorance is a bliss... listening is always better than debating.... unless its really nessesary... I aint as smart as frank's okasan.. *she's the greek goddess Aphrodite... never seen a woman like her....* but at least i still have the mentalilty to know staying away from trouble is good for me.. oh well.. there aint no God looking out for me... too bad~

Ok.. know for me to update myself a little bit... My memory is getting more and more short termed... so better stock up myself a bit..

21st janary 2006

It was one of the day which i would say.." a day not wasted." Well, i got up pretty early in the morning to go to NUS for frank's kendo competition. There were four competitors in this competition, 1stly SMU, 2ndly NUS, 3rdly NYP and last but not least SKC aka Singapore Kendo Club. This is the first time i get to see what kendo is really like so pretty much excited about it. When i reached there, i didn't know i should just stand there and watch or to go up to the viewing area cause i have no idea how to get to the viewing place. Got to know a lady called adeline who's came to be a spectetor like me. The match started out rather hair raising, not because of the climax but because of the shouting and screaming of the female contestants. I had no idea why they need to shout and scream like that but that really gives me the creeps cause i have a phobia of hearing screams and shouts that is produced by a female. It match was long.. Didnt really know what was going on actually until frank came up and told me what it was all about. To score a point, the attacker must hit either the head, wrist or waist with a loud stamp on the feet and a shout, all of these must coordinate together as a single blow to be counted as 1 point. There is either a red or white piece of cloth attached to the back of their armour identifying which side the contestant is on. There are 3 judges, all 3 of them has both a white and red flag in their hands. In order to make it fair, 2/3 red flags must be raised to signal that the red team has score a point so on so fore. There is another judge at the panel who has a yellow flag. When the time limit of 1min is up, the judge will raise the yellow flag and winner will be listed on the board. After his explanation, things begin to make sense now. The male individual competition is shocking. The males are obviously more agressive than the females so somehow added tension to the whole area. But nothing compared to the team catergory where the schools and club must spilt up into groups against the opponing team. Well, unforturnately for SMU, in the male's team competition, SMU have to face up with the other SMU team. In the end, frank's team lost. But its ok, he tried his best. We didnt stay to watch the entire match cause well, both of us are really tired so we left early. Frank dropped me at redhill mrt station so that he could go home and have some rest. While waiting for tere who i except is gonna be late for 3hrs again, i took the train to clake quay mrt and walk don't to bugis. Well exploring the central part of singapore, i walked through the art museum and victoria concert hall. To be really frank, i have no idea how to get to victoria concert hall so this trip has paid off already once i found victoria concert hall. I spend about half an hour taking bouchies of the out coming events that it gonna happen there reading and choicing which performance i would like to attend. After which, i set off walking towards esplanade, the original plan was to walk to bugis n play arcade while waiting for tere n frank for dinner. But when i was around esplanade, it started to rain. I went into esplanade and found out esplanade is a fasinating heaven. It has custom making teddys which you could make almost anything possible except making the bears come alive walking around. I spent about an hour in the tea shop chatting with the uncle. I learnt alot of things from him actually. What kind of tea comes from where, whats the difference between indian tea and chinese tea, what i could do with boiled tea leaves n tea bags besides putting them in the fridge etc.. We chatted for awhile, he told me a lot of things i could do if i take things slowly. Ways on how to plan myself, relax and enjoy myself more. i was offered to come back after my O next year to learn chinese tea ceremony and work there for the holidays. =) I don;t mind at all actually, its a r4eally nice place, and i always wanted to work there so ya.. Went deeper into esplanade saw took a look at the arts of a china artist. I find his nude n sexual photo media very interesting. using photography creating different stories out of it. The malays behind me were complaining that it was pornography and have no idea what it is talking about. Oh well, i'm sure i know what its all about, in fact i find it fasinating on how the way he portray things out. Around esplanade i went and soon i ended up at city link. Met tammy always complaining how late she could be cause at that moment in time,from accurate prediction i made early, yes she's late for 3hrs. man her perm hair... eeek... the horror of the sight of it. well, she paid for my expenive dinner at 'The Asian Kitchen" so no right to nag at her now. LOL! the service there was good.. the food there was good too. just that its considered a rip off if you're living nin singapore eating singapore food everyday. not long, frank called me up and went to subway for his dinner. after which we went to the fountain of fortune and last but not least.. the arcade! shit man i wasted $4 on that bloody game house of the dead not even getting through justice... the gun sucks man... >.< all on all... its a good day~

days after which are very boring and annoying so i doubt theres a need for me to post... what happened between 21st jan til today is about all the irritating rumours and gossips which my previous post has clearly stated what happened.. One things for sure... these stuff waste my time.. i rather go exploring again then to give a shit about this man...

2006-01-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

this is my new blog~ no more extra retarded kpos peeking into my life...